Listening to the noise in our heads is good for us

Earlier this year I started trying to meditate. I don’t find it easy to do at home, as there are so many distractions, so I have looked for a group I could join, so I would have nothing to do except meditate. First of all I went to a Community of Interbeing meditation group based on Buddhist principles, which I found helpful, but not easy to get to due to the time. More recently I have been going to a Christian meditation group, which is earlier in the evening and seems more convenient. I’m also into my second term of a yoga class, during which there are moments conducive to meditation. When I make time to meditate, or just listen to my thoughts while I go about quiet tasks in the house and garden I find it very helpful.

It seems to me that we are surrounded by noise and bombarded with information to such an extent that we do not have time to reflect. This means that we do not have time to process our own thoughts, which is important if we are to learn from mistakes and be aware of what we need to be ourselves and to grow into mature, well-balanced adults.

When I am alone without the radio to fill my thoughts uncomfortable recollections sometimes come to mind, some of which can be painful and upsetting. This can be alarming, but in fact we all need to allow ourselves time for this to happen. There may be events we haven’t finished grieving over, and while it is rarely helpful to have a pity party, allowing our grief to come to the surface rather than stay bottled up, is a healthy thing. Once it has arisen we need to look at our grief and be aware of what it is saying to us. Perhaps, we just need a moment to say, ‘yes, I still miss that person’, or ‘I’m still upset about that’, but perhaps it is a sign that we need to take life a bit easier, be kinder to ourselves and take time out to walk with our grief and listen to it for a while. Perhaps, if the feelings threaten to overwhelm us, we need to find someone who will listen to us without judging us or trying to tell us what to do; perhaps the best person will be a qualified counsellor, unless we have some very special friends. So many people find other people’s emotions hard to handle, perhaps because they have not dealt with their own, perhaps because the idea of the responsibility involved is something they find hard to accept or perhaps because they simply don't have the time or emotional strength that will be needed.

Perhaps as a society we seem to welcome noise because so many of us fear to face our emotions. It’s all very well people having the telly on all day to stop feeling lonely, who can blame them, but what about the rest of us? Do we need the radio, tv, pc or mp3 player filling our thoughts all day? What thoughts of our own are we afraid of and trying to shut off? Isn’t fear generally diminished when we face up to the object of our fears? More than that, aren’t all those thoughts we keep pushing back, likely to be good teachers?

As we listen to what has made us uncomfortable, we may realise what we have been doing wrong, or that some situations and people are not so good for us as we thought, we might even realise we have learnt lessons from the past and no longer need to allow ourselves to feel uncomfortable about certain things. Listening to uncomfortable feelings can tell us a lot, but it is also wise to question them. Perhaps things we believe about ourselves are no longer true, perhaps they never were true, maybe they were lies people told us.

Time to reflect is valuable and essential if we are to learn from our mistakes and develop in a healthy way, emotionally and spiritually. It may be wise to start in private when you have plenty of time before you need to do anything important, if you suspect there is a deep grief, regret or embarrassment that might take you by surprise. Don’t rush the process, but equally it might be a good idea to set a time limit and then make an appointment with your repressed emotions another day. You might find half an hour a day works fine for you, however if there is a lot to deal with you might find you need longer, but it’s not practical to do that every day. Perhaps once or twice a week would be best to start with in that case. If you feel you cannot deal with what comes up then it might be best to see a qualified counsellor you can trust. It can be very draining, but there’s a good chance the repressed emotion was sapping a lot of your energy already. If you can, plan to have several weeks or months when you are not required to do too much, so that you can deal with these issues properly and make them more manageable. In the long term you will be glad you did.